


Starshine

by ItsMurdocsBand (orphan_account)



Series: 2Doc [1]
Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Drama & Romance, Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, idk are these tags right ive never done this before help, sex happens?, there is sex?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-17 22:00:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15471018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ItsMurdocsBand
Summary: Plastic Beach refuses to let 2D leave the past where it belongs. While he struggles to survive Murdoc’s declining mental state, he finds himself constantly confronted with distant memories of their shared history. But with their relationship in shambles, does any of it matter anymore?





	1. Chapter 1

All at once 2D was suddenly alerted to an overwhelming pressure on his entire body. Adrenaline rushed in as he found it impossible to properly move this arms and legs, squeezed tight against his body. With a few good shoves, the suitcase he was stuffed in gave way and bright daylight blinded him. He rubbed his eyes, let them adjust, and found two familiar faces greeting him. The sight of one, in particular, filled him with a joy that overshadowed all pain in his joints completely.

“Noodle!” 2D lunged up to hold her but stopped in an instant at the sensation of a gun barrel jabbing his stomach. He could only stare down at it and back up at the inexpressive, uncanny “Noodle” in utter confusion.

The other familiar face spoke “That’s not our Noodle, mate. That’s Noodle 2.0!”

“This is-” 2D stammered, remained frozen, only turning his head to face the green monster, “This is fucking sick, Murdoc.”

“Oh come on!” He whines aggressively, “You can’t just change the sodding line-up this far in! I need a guitarist that looks like HER!” He waves a bottle of rum in Cyborg’s direction then turned it to 2D “And a singer that looks like YOU!” Murdoc then took a long series of hard gulps from his amber bottle. 2D stares on disgusted until finally Murdoc gasped and wiped his mouth on his sleeve, “I’ve had to figure something else out for Russel….”

2D carefully steps back from the robot girl that wore the face of his dear lost friend and took in his surroundings for the first time, “Where… am I?”,

 **“PLASTIC BEACH!”** Murdoc exclaimed so loudly he startled some seagulls to flight in the distance. “Point Nemo! Forty-eight degrees south! One hun-uh.” Murdoc’s eyes shift uncomfortably as he held his head in his free hand, while the other struggled to bring the alcohol to his lips once again. “The farthest point..” he grins, “from any landmass on earth.“

2D gawks at him in frustration and disbelief. “Ok. Where are we really?”

“Where I just said! Our own floating pink studio in the middle of the ocean.”

“It.. it **is** … pink…” 2D frowned looking down the otherworldly fluorescent shore, “and it… smells.. like fish.”

Murdoc grumbled, “It smells better inside”, slapping him firmly on the back.

2D swung his shoulder out of the other man’s reach and began to gesture violently across the sea,“I’m not going inside, I’m going home. You’re going to take me home, Murdoc! Things were.. Things were finally starting to be alright. after… “ 2D glared at Cyborg for a moment before turning his rage back at Murdoc, “I’m back in school and-”

“Ah! finally graduating primary, are we? Good lad.”

_“I’m in law school!”_

Murdoc burst into laughter, loud, harsh and mocking. 2D could feel himself losing any sense of zen he’d spent the last years building.

He yells over Murdoc’s cackling, “I don’t need you, you know!” His voice cracking desperately, “I never have. You’ve been nothing but grief, Murdoc. And.. and if the real Noodle was here, you’d be the LAST person she needs either. And Russel, I guarantee he’s off making music better than anything he could make with us holding him back.”

As 2D ranted Murdoc’s face shifted from a condescending grin…

To a sour scowl...

To a cold, eerily unreadable stare.

2D continued, “No one wants Gorillaz back, you bleeding selfish arse!”

Murdoc wearily rubbed the corners of his eyes with a thumb and forefinger. “Noodle, just…” he groaned, “..make him shut up.”

2D didn’t have time to protest further before his vision went dark as the butt of an assault rifle slammed into his forehead.

When he came ‘round, his head felt like it was cracked open in 3 places, and the pain split and pulsed behind his eyes and ran all the way down to his feet. He awoke in a rather uncomfortable bed and raised himself upright as slowly as possible. He found that it really didn’t smell much better than outside. He was alone, surrounded by copper metal walls.

He called out, “Murdoc!” Just the movement of his jaw sent a wave of pain through his skull and his voice bounced around and rung in his ears. After a moment he thought he heard a response… something calling back… a low moan… 2D slowly turned his head and found himself facing the wall against the bed.

A window!

His glimpse of hope immediately disappeared when the porthole revealed a vast and endless landscape of dark, terrifying sea… and the source of the reply: a great white whale.

2D crumpled away from the glass, down into a ball, feeling nothing but fear and the waves of excruciating pain enveloping him. He couldn’t move and even crying was more painful than he could bare to allow. He could only sit inside his mind and try to go as far inward as possible, drifting into a memory of the last time he awoke in this much pain…

* * *

 

2D could feel his finger move. He could feel his whole body, all his muscles, like he was feeling them for the first time and it was painful. He could smell burning and taste metal. He heard a car alarm, several feet and voices around him but could see nothing.

“I… I-I fink I need hospital.” He muttered.

“Nooo~ mate, noo~. You’re fiiine.” He felt a hand on his back and another on his arm, helping him to his feet, “You’re doing better now then you’ve done in months!”

“Months?”

“Welcome back!”

He knew that voice, “… Murdoc?”

“Look at that! The kid knows my name!!”

He could hear a few deep chuffles.

“No. No, I-” 2D became to panic as his vision shifted and all he could see was red. “Som’tins wrong… Som’tin-”

“What is it Stu? Not going mental again are you? One dent to your head did you in, but I guess another brought you ‘round. You just needed was two dents, huh?”

2D didn’t say anything, it was taking all his effort to just stand and try to focus on Murdoc’s face through a churning fog of black and red. He could feel an excessive amount of blood flowing like tears and dripping off his chin.

“You look good as new, Two-Dents! Better even! Right, guys?”

The response was mostly a concerned murmur.

Murdoc sighed, “Give us your keys, eh? Lemme take the poor sod home.”

Murdoc didn’t take 2D home. Instead, he drove them off in a “friends” car (that he had no intention of returning) in the direction of his own home. 2D slipped in and out of consciousness but eventually found himself wide awake and fully aware of the searing pain in his left eye and entire body.  
He rolled his neck against the headrest of the passenger seat and groaned, “My head… I need… M’meds.”  
A slim forest-green hand reached in front of his knees, dropping the glove box. Inside were 6 prescription bottles. “Help yourself… Guy’s a right fuckin’ pillhead.” said Murdoc.

With regained vision, 2D still had to strain extensively to read the labels. It was as much as his vision would recover but he couldn’t remember what 20/20 looked like, so it was good enough. Once he identified a suitable brand he didn’t bother to check the dosage. Didn’t matter. 2D swallowed four dry and stashed the bottle in his pocket as Murdoc pulled up to a house.

He sat with the car still running and lite a cigarette while 2D watched. After a moment Murdoc noticed him, “Oh! You want a smoke? Wonderful.” He chuckled to himself. His zombie boy coming to life was more than amusing.

2D weakly held a cigarette to his lips while Murdoc lit it. Exhaling, he glanced out the window and spoke, “Where are we?”

“My place… don’t, uh, drip blood anywhere, alright?”

2D reached up to touch his face as he followed Murdoc out of the car. It was mostly dry. Once inside Murdoc pointed out the bathroom to him, where 2D tossed his cigarette in the toilet and found a towel to soak and clean himself. He then rather pointlessly applied a bandaid to his forehead over one of the hundred scraps all over his face.

Exiting the bathroom he made his way down a hall wall, following a rhythmic “bloopy” noise. In Murdoc’s bedroom, 2D gaped at the array of synth keyboards on their stands and haphazardly lining the floor, “Oh woooow~”

Murdoc wore a smug grin.

2D gleefully adjusted the rhythm and played with the settings until something else caught his eye. A red and white Gibson Flying V displayed proudly in it’s own corner like a shrine to it’s majesty. He stopped the music with a click of a button and walked over to the ominous bass guitar, tentatively extending a hand.

“Eh Eh AH! DON’T touch that! Do not. Touch that.” Murdoc exclaimed, grabbing 2D’s wrist.

2D snapped his arm back, rubbing his hands together anxiously, “Wa-! Why?”

“Because it’s a bleeding demonic artifact from the devil himself, you twit!” Murdoc composed himself, “It’s named is…” he then spoke in a husky menacing whisper that sent a chill up 2D’s neck, “El Diablo.”

“Hm.” 2D chirped, completely believing him. He looked back at the bass and stuck his hands in his pockets.

Murdoc roughly grabbed the bass by it’s neck, plopped onto his bed, and began to play. A rubble of dark enchanting noise vibrated off the strings. 2D was captivated. He stood there listening and watching Murdoc’s focused yet peaceful eyes looking down at his hands. The moment continued on nearly a minutes.

“Why don’t you sing?,” 2D asked suddenly.

“What?” Murdoc stopped playing.

“It’s just. You sang sometimes. I remember.”

Murdoc’s face became harsh, almost disturbed, “What the hell are you saying? You- You know you’ve been in a coma don’t you? Come to think of it how did you even know my name?”

“I don’t know.” There was a moment of silence, Murdoc holding his frustrated glare while 2D eyed the various satanic doodles and knick-knacks, looking serene despite the remaining spots of blood still painting his face. “I just remember.. like.. hearing things. Like someone saying your name and you playing bass and singing…” He laughed a bit to himself, “You were alright, well enough… The bass though… I like it.”

“Actually!” Murdoc livened, “That’s why I brought you here.. Two Dents! What do you say to being the frontman of the biggest musical act this rotten planet has ever seen?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this is like one of those classic song fics right? Remember those?   
> Listen to Starshine!   
> cool. :)

2D is an auditory learner. Even with his terrible memory and difficulty understanding and following instruction, he had a knack for retaining information he heard aloud. When he was first learning keyboard it came in handy memorizing the notes. Memorizing lyrics was easier too, once he’d heard himself sing them a few times. 2D had the attention span of a nat and academic comprehension at almost special needs levels… but the truth was that he heard everything.

At that particular moment, he heard a noise of distinct familiarity: The rattle of a pill bottle. 2D’s eye’s shot open at the sound and the force of the small object whipped at the back of his still throbbing head. He rolled over and frantically struggled to open the bottle of prescription pain meds.

“See, faceache?” Murdoc stood with smug crossed arms in the middle of the room, accompanied by his teen-girl-shaped assistant, “I care~” He waited for 2D to down the pills and close the bottle.

2D glared at him indignantly, “What? Do you expect me to thank you? You’ve gone completely fucking mad.”

Murdoc stared past him and flatly replied, “You might be entirely right, ‘D.” than clapped his hands, “Right! Well, we’ll let that kick in on the way up to the studio! Come on then.” and turned to walk out the door.

“Oh christ, Murdoc, you really have lost it if you think I’m gonna sing on your sodding record!”

A series of zzzits and clicks echoed through the metal room as Cyborg Noodle aimed her rifle at the now cowering 2D. Murdoc stayed facing the exit, arms folded behind his back, “No, mate, that fact I’m quite clear-headed on.” He began to walk and 2D carefully followed, with Cyborg still aiming her gun at his back.

Murdoc spoke as they trudged down the dank hallway to a grimy elevator, “The albums almost all laid out, good number of songs written, I’ve got all that covered. All you have to do is sing my genius lyrics, go on tour, and then you can go back to your bloody stupid law degree”

2D rolled his pitch black eyes.

The elevator was cramped and 2D was forced to stand between a gun in his ribs and the stench of alcoholism. Even with the amount of fervent hatred he felt for the man, standing so close to Murdoc after such a long time gave 2D a strange sense of nostalgia. It was almost annoying.

Once they arrived at the studio floor 2D was the first to step out. He placed a hand on his hip and admired how much cleaner it was then the rest of what he’d seen so far on the island.

“Fully operational, state of the art-”

“Yeah, yeah.” 2D interjected, “Just show me what’cha have.”

Murdoc frowns with furrowed brows and blinks. He turned to a table strewn with stray pages and note books. He picked one and stared at it for a moment, then turned and extended it to the other man.

As 2D grasped the page, he felt some resistance from the other man to let go. Still, after a pause he allowed him to take it. 2D looked down at the paper but couldn’t focus on the words. That subtle exchange just then had made a distant memory arise and take precedent in his mind.

* * *

 

A much younger Murdor extended a much less carefully treated scrap of paper down to the past 2D who was sitting cross legged on the foor. When he pulled it with his thumb and finger it stays firmly in place. 2D looked up with pensive raised brows and met Murdoc’s eyes. There was almost a pleading in them, though his expression was practically blank. Murdoc let go.

“Um.” He crotches down and pointed at the page now in 2D hand. “It sounds like this.”

He didn’t really sing per say. He just kind of demonstrated the notes with the tone of his voice, while looking at the lyrics. 2D stared at him the whole time. Like his singing, Murdoc’s looks were nothing exceptional. But for 2D, after learning who he was, and hearing only his voice for longer then he even realized, there was something about seeing him now that was exhilarating.

Murdoc finished, stood up and walked to another part of the room. 2D asked “Why me?” He hadn’t thought to ask that question the last time he’d seen Murdoc a few days prior. He was really more concerned with the fact that he had just come out of a coma then deciding whether or not he wanted to be in a band. “I mean… you haven’t even heard me sing yet.”

“I have a sixth sense for talent, kid. Plus, look at you! You girls will go wild, we have a whole demographic in the bag just from your sodding blue hair!”

“You don’t ‘fink it’s a little ridiculous?” 2D’s voice cracked. He could feel a bit of pink rising in his cheeks.

“Nah!” Murdoc sat on the floor across from him with El Diablo in his lap. “Blue’s m’ favorite color.”

2D blinked and sucked in his lips, forcing himself not to grin ear to ear.

Not letting the comment stand too long, Murdoc began to play, “This is what I have in mind. Have a look.”

2D read as he listened to the bass. It was catchy, you could nod your head to it, but 2D felt a sadness in it he knew his voice had to express. He tried to find where everything matched up. After Murdoc has ran through the cords a few time, he had it. He sat up straight to open his lungs and give his voice the best chance at making a good first impression.

_Starshine, when you gonna find me?_  
_Starshine, they ain’t gonna find me_

He held his eyes down on the page. Murdoc’s looked up at him as he sung with focused eyes, his fingers continuing on with the cords effortlessly.

_Starshine, when you gonna find me?_  
_Starshine never gonna find me_

_Stand easy with myself,_ oh, with myself...

2D hadn’t decided on how the next verse should sound. He mumbled the words for a moment, then picked himself up off the floor and turned to the keyboard, still staring at the words intently. His concentration was broken by Murdoc’s hushed voice behind him.

“Beautiful.”

2D’s heart skipped. He didn’t respond. He just took the sound of praise and stored it away in his mind for safekeeping like it was pure gold. He looked sadly down at the lyrics once more, “It’s about how your bands have never taken off, right? “Starshine” is fame and recognition… And you talk about being alone…” He turned to him and gave a half-hearted smile, “But things will change now. Don’t you think?”

Murdoc’s breaths came shallow and his heartbeat had been escalated more and more ever since 2D began singing. It was starting to show, “I-uh…” He stammered then huffed dismissively, “We’ll just have to see if the world is ready for true genius yet, I suppose.”

* * *

 

2D looked up from the page to find only Cyborg standing there. He sighed and looked back down, made himself concentrate on the matter at hand and let the words take form in his mind.

2D could always understand Murdoc’s lyrics easily. This time he almost didn’t want to. He felt a pit in this stomach and in his throat. But still he hummed and mumbled the words, trying to find how they should sound. Murdoc wasn’t there to guide him. He hadn’t stuck around to hear him sing and 2D wondered if he still found his voice “beautiful” all these dismal years later.

He held the paper at his side and began to walk to exit the studio. Cyborg quickly cut in front of him. “My orders are to escort you back to your room.” 2D was shocked to learn she could speaked and disturbed that she actually sounded like Noodle with some sort of strange metallic undertone.

2D frowned down at her, “You mean ‘my cell’?”

“I don’t care. Move it.” She snapped her gun in the direction of the door.


	3. Chapter 3

2D had completely lost track of time. The porthole provided almost no indication of where the sun fell and every time he heard the whale’s eerily song his anxiety shot to unbearable levels. He felt like he was going insane. He nearly lept out of his skin when the great metal door of his prison swung open. “Guess who Uncle Murdy just recorded with!” Murdoc helped himself to a seat on 2D’s bed.

“A sea urchin.” He groaned.

“Noo!” Murdoc screeched, “Snoop Dogg!!”

2D sat up, “How the bloody hell did you get Snoop Dogg all the way out here?”

“He came in his private submarine of course. Private limos, private jets, Ppffffftt. Peasant transportation. Private submarines are the true mark of success. I have one too! Did you know that? I have a private submarine.” He ranted giddily.

2D’s did not look impressed, just utterly tired. Murdoc’s face sunk back to its default scowl, “Anyway, there’s your lunch.” 2D notices Cyborg standing there for the first time carrying a tray. She offered it to him, and he set it on his lap staring down at a steaming bag displaying a disturbingly happy sea creature and the exclamation ‘Super Fast!’. One side of the bag was already opened, so he carefully picked up the corners that were still sealed and let it plop out onto the tray.

“Is… is this a microwaved jellyfish?!”

“It’s actually quite good.”

“When is the last time you think I ate a fish!?”

“‘D, suck it up. I don’t have time to make you a sodding three-course plant-based meal… The thing doesn’t even have a nervous system.”

“… It’s the principal…” 2D looked down sadly at the dead ugly blob, then snapped back at Murdoc, “Just let me out and I’ll get my own food!”

Murdoc laughed mockingly. “Maybe. If you don’t fuss about recording today.”

“Well… I’m not bloody eating this. So let’s get it over with.”

“ _Lllllets_ Go!” Murdoc jumped to his feet, lost balance, and fell back again with a thud.

2D ignored him completely and grabbed the lyric sheet he’d received yesterday from the side table. As they walked the path to the elevators 2D sighed, “God, I really need a smoke.”

“After you sing!”

“This is cruel and unusual.”

While on the elevator 2D looked back over the lyrics. “What’s “the manatee”?”

Murdoc frowned, facing forward, “There’s literally a manatee out there. Didn’t you see it?… His name is Hugh.”

2D looked at him with concern, then back at the page.

In the studio, Murdoc went straight to the main soundboard to go over what needed to be adjusted after the morning session with Snoop. 2D noticed two keyboards in the corner and couldn’t help by smile weakly. He walked over and set his finger on a key, listened to its wonderful sound, and felt that persistent wave of nostalgia that had been hitting him so often since arriving on Plastic Beach.

* * *

 

Young 2D adjusted the legs of Murdoc’s keyboard and the attached music sheet stand, and then set his words in front of him. “Ok so I’ve been working on this by myself… I think it’s at a good place to start adding more instrumentation.”

He smirked with interest, “Have at it.”

Standing in front of the keyboard, he began, both of them maintaining complete focus through the whole song.

_City life_  
_Calling me all the time_  
_Me and my soul_  
_Geared to attack_  
_Never get another chance_  
_So what you doing_  
_Gotta get money_  
_Keeping me real_  
_Can’t stand your loneliness_  
_Can’t stand loneliness_  
_Can’t stand your loneliness_  
_Can’t stand loneliness_  
_Shit nightlife_  
_Been trying not to laugh though_  
_You won’t get money_  
_From doing what you loving_  
_I’m moving out of city_  
_Victor of a second chance_  
_Get a lot of problems_  
_We kicked a lot of them_  
_Can’t stand your loneliness_  
_Can’t stand loneliness_  
_Can’t stand your loneliness_  
_Can’t stand your loneliness_  
_Can’t stand loneliness_  
_Can’t stand your loneliness_  
_Can’t stand your loneliness_

This time when 2D finished singing Murdoc just exhaled as if he’d been holding his breath. “Nice.”

2D smiled down at that piano, “It’s about you.”

Murdoc sat up and stared at him cautiously. “Lemme see that.” 2D handed him the paper. Murdoc’s eyes darted across the lines. He was right, he could see it, it was about him…

“… I know how much this all means to you… getting out of this town. Being successful and feeling like you belong somewhere… and to something. Feeling like you matter. I get that. Really, I do…” Murdoc could feel a heat rising from his chest to his face. 2D continued, “It’s about how driven you are…and everything you’ve overcome.. but of course how lonely you feel…”

“Would you fucking shut up.”

“I’m sorry..” 2D smiled looking off at some corner of the room. He didn’t seem to notice the aggression in the other man’s voice. “It’s all stuff I’ve been thinking about for a while, but I can finally write again and get it all out. I just.. I like… knowing you…”

Murdoc got onto his feet, stepping forward, “I told you to shut it.”

2D frowned, “W-Why are you-”

Murdoc drove his fist hard into 2D’s shoulder, sending him flying back into one of the keyboards and crashing with it into the floor.

2D laid there for a moment staring at the ceiling, his heart racing. He painfully lifted himself, “I-I’m sorry! You’re right, I should have- That was-that was too much. That was stupid … I’m sorry.” He rubbed his back, nearly in tears.

Murdoc realized something, still bubbling with rage, glaring down at the whimpering blue-haired boy. There was a strong part of him that didn’t like being understood. Didn’t like being seen. or known. or loved.

* * *

 

Understanding Murdoc, 2D thought as he skimmed the lyrics in his hand, was nothing but a burden. “Haven’t you written something… I don’t know… Less sad?” In the corner of the room, Cyborg Noodle began to laugh. Murdoc shot her a cold look and she snapped to attention. 2D looked at her quizzically. “It’s just. Well, honestly I’m not in the mood.”

“I don’t care what you’re in the mood for, Faceache…” He turned to a computer sitting by the soundboard, “Listen, it’s not even that sad.”

A sample started playing… He was right, it was nice and energetic… He liked it quite a lot, but would never say it aloud. He listened to it through, following with the lyrics he had practically memorized at this point. He eventually got into the booth. Putting on the headphones, the music played and he joined it in the world it existed. He waited as his heartbeat synced to the drums and then sung the lyrics in full force of the first time.

_Up on Melancholy Hill, there’s a plastic tree_  
_Are you here with me?_  
_Just looking out on the day of another dream_  
_Where you can’t get what you want, but you can get me_

He met Murdoc’s eyes through the glass. 2D squinted at him pensively as he sung, as if he was trying to see into him, but Murdoc’s face was expressionless… just.. tired.

_So let’s set out to sea_  
_‘Cause you are my medicine when you’re close to me_  
_When you’re close to me_

2D looked back down at the page and kept them there for the rest of the song.

_So call in the submarines, 'round the world we’ll go_  
_Does anybody know_  
_If we’re looking out on the day of another dream?_  
_If you can’t get what you want, then come with me_  
_Up on Melancholy Hill sits the manatee_  
_Just looking out for the day_  
_When you’re close to me_  
_When you’re close to me_  
_When you’re close to me_

2D stood in meditation for a moment, listening to the music fade out against his ears. It cut off suddenly with the sounds of Murdoc pressed the button for the mic that fed into the booth, “There! Was that so hard?!” He fell back in his chair.

“Can I go now?!” 2D called back.

Murdoc sat forward into the mic, “No! Do it again!” Sat back.. and then up again, “You got some bloody “ooh”s and “aah”’s to record too!”

2D frowned and glared at the ceiling. He felt his stomach growl and wondered if it was truly unwise that he hadn’t just eaten that jellyfish.


	4. Chapter 4

“Well then...” 2D cautiously inched toward the studio exit. “If I’m no longer needed I’ll..”

All of Murdocs attention was in his headphones and on the mixing equipment surrounding him. He groaned and waved his hand. 2D smiled and turned quickly to the door. He nearly screamed to find Cyborg inches in front of him. He held his hands over his face and watched in horror as she unhinged her jaw and slowly ejected from within a lit cigarette.

“Uh...” 2D tentatively reached to pluck the smoldering stick from her metal esophagus with two shaking fingers, “... thank you?”

Free to explore the nautical base for the first time, 2D enjoyed his nicotine reward deeply. Of course, he went straight to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and found quite a few cans of spam, a carton of milk, various condiments and... some sort of .. _organ_. He groaned with disappointment and moved to the freezer. This was nearly spilling over with the same packages of Superfast Jellyfish he was almost forced to endure earlier that day. Alongside these were- 2D squinted to read the packaging- San Francisco Bay Sally’s Bloodworms. He’s turned up his nose and slammed the freezer. Next were the cabinets. 2D smoked his cigarette for a moment with a hand on his hip, deciding which to open first, almost a little anxious of what he might find inside.. But.. it was just cereal.. Just an arse load of cereal. He sighed. It wasn’t a balanced meal by any means (the commercials said so) but at least it was something he didn’t have moral qualms about ingesting. He debated whether Murdoc had been having a laugh or if he really was too lazy to just pour some milk into a bowl.

It was just becoming late afternoon and the sun still shone brightly through the massive windows. Through them, 2D could see out onto the beach and into the horizon for miles. The ocean, he thought, had no business being this beautiful as it embraced the shore of his own personal Alcatraz. He slouched over the counter facing those windows, chewing the sugary cereal and breathing the toxic smoke. Once done, he resolved to find his way onto the neon beach.

A stepped off the elevator on a floor he’d passed by already a few times. Stepping outside through the front exit the first thing he noted was that, yes, there was an actual, literal manatee perched on a hill in the distance. 2D gave a chirp of satisfied surprise. He began to navigate down worn wooden stairs, eyeing a pelican and seagull perched there along the way, and finally found his feet on the pink sand...which wasn’t sand at all... Shapes crushed down into other shapes, some recognizable as what they were once in life, others not at all. 2D stepped carefully closer to the water.

“OooOh~!” He gasped, spotting an old Casio keyboard laying out in the middle of the rubble. There were plenty of keyboards inside, of course, but there was something exciting about discovering this bit of refuge and calling it “treasure”. 2D found a safe place to sit and placed the keyboard on his lap. To his delight, it produced sounds. The notes were waterlogged and strange, almost ugly, but 2D loved it...He began a song in his head and tapped the keys along with each word, “ _It’s a Casio. on’a Plas-tic-beach... it’s a Casio. on’a plastic beach..._ ” 2D stuck his tongue out slightly, in thought. He stared out across the ocean and took in the calming sight of unreachable ship craft and migrating birds. A glimpse of movement made his eyes snap to another point on the horizon where he watched a great shadowy tail breach in the distance.

2D sharply inhaled, his fingers shaking as they hovered over the keys. He froze, waiting for something to happen... then finally let his fingers fall again. “ _To the dark dark sea_ ,” He began again, “ _Comes the only whale... watching ships go by... It's the day we try_ ”

2D looked down at his fingers. He stopped playing and lifted the keyboard back onto the beach, but continued on humming his improvised tune as he went further down the beach.  
He had to be cautious and keep his eyes on the neon ground below his feet. He was wearing shoes but still feared the potential for some sharp rubbish to slice right through, or some oddly shaped object to trip him or twist an ankle. The more he thought about it the less relaxed he became. Just as he was debating whether or not to turn around his spotted something on the water...

A boat.

A beautiful glimmering ugly little wooden boat.

His heart raced as he took careful, long strides towards it. At the dock, he studied the boat, pushing down on the sides with his hands, questioning that it was even real. Yes, it was free floating, had ores and everything. That was all the questioning he needed, and he climbed in.

2D couldn’t let the exhilaration fully take him. He had to plan. If Murdoc truly wasn’t lying and he truly was at the further point from any landmass on earth, he knew he wouldn’t make it home in this boat. But he didn’t need to, he only needed to make it to one of those ships in the distance. He could do that. He showed off and began rowing...  
Past the tide, the gentle to and fro of his vessel slowed his heartbeat. Pure adrenaline gave way to a dull anxious sickening sadness.  
When the thought occurred to him to turn back, he couldn’t decide _why_. Was he afraid of the journey home... or afraid to leave something behind? Words from early that day swam around in his mind, he mumbled them to himself.

 _...Are you here with me_  
_Just looking out on the day_  
_Of another dream..._

He peered at his reflection in the water. He looked terrible. His eyes were bright white and miserably exhausted.

 _...Just looking out for the day_  
_When you're close to me_

2D’s reflection was violently rippled into obscurity as a deafening shot range out. He whirled his head around to face the shore. Only several yards away, he could clearly see two figures standing on the edge of the dock. One chugging his way through a liquor bottle, the other aiming her gun. “I don’t know if you want to do that, mate...” Murdoc called out to him, mocking, faux concern in his voice, “Once you start taking on water from all the bullet holes, well..” He laughed, “Looks like an awful long ways to have to swim from a whale.”


	5. Chapter 5

_It didn’t have to be this way. It was ENTIRELY up to you._  
_I gave it a chance. I tried to be nice._  
_Bloody disappointment._  
_Just a disappointment to everyone... and myself... but... but who do I really owe that too? You know?_

Everything was dark. And there was nothing to be felt. He was floating. 2D knew the voices he heard was Murdoc’s but didn’t know from where or from when.

“I don’t owe anyone anything. When you’re someone like me, everything I have, I have because I took it. Maybe not fairly, no, but it sure as hell wasn’t handed to me... You wouldn’t understand that though would you, pretty boy?” 2D heard the sizzle of a cinder being snuffed on something damp, loud beside his ear. Murdoc sighed, his voice now bouncing from a different direction, “... what am I saying. You don’t understand any of this, you’re a goddamn vegetable...zombie sod

“Hmm.” He mused. “You’re a good listener, I’ll tell you that for nothing...” 2D experienced a low twangy rumble caress his ears as Murdoc continued, “It was a bleeding disaster... Terrible. I wish I could have swung this thing into the skulls of every drunkard booing swine-” He misplayed a note and groaned dramatically, “Satan has forsaken me.”

It was quite, 2D waited patiently for more of his sole source of stimulation. He heard a harsh long sniff.

“ **That’s it!** ” Murdoc’s voice returned loudly, “I won't do it again! If they don't appreciate greatness they don’t bloody deserve to hear it, do they?! They don’t deserve a single thing from me!.. Why do I keep doing this? Why do I put in so much work? It doesn’t lead to anything, does it? I mean really, if we’re being honest, does it? **FUCK!** ” The sound of a fist passing through drywall. “ ** _AAAAH!_** ” Another solid crash and one more, weaker than then the last. 2D could hear Murdoc’s labored, frantic breathing that grew into quite gasps of in and exhales. He heard weight shifting on old springs muffled by cotton. A click. A sizzle and bubble. “ _Fuck_...Everything... is on a wheel... It all goes back around. It all comes back to... being fucking humiliated by morons that don’t understand... Why I’m here or what I’m trying to do... and it wouldn’t matter if I told them... I have to start over. But I can’t... all the tracks are laid now. I don’t get a say, people laid them out for me like my father and-..I- I can... I can only step off the wheel.”

Silence for a moment then again the sounds 2D recognized of a bong being used.

Murdoc took one shaking sigh and his voice became lower and quiet, “It’s really up to me now, innit? I gave it a chance, gave my best shot, push the wheel far enough, I think. Now maybe.” 2D heard the sound of a pill bottle shaking, “Now maybe I deserve a rest, eh?” There was a long pause. “ _Ah!_ ” His voice returned at full force, “Babysitting times up Faceache, time to get you out of my bloody hair.” The loudness of the rattle increased exponentially, ending with a hard thunk a few inches from his ear.

 

* * *

 

“ **Agg**!” 2D clutched the side of his head and shot up from bed. “ _Again?!_ ”

“Murdoc told me to do that.” Cyborg Noodle replied, “Specifically.”

“When...? how long...?”

“20 hours.”

“Ho- are- are you fucking serious?!!?” He wanted to scream louder, but as his senses caught up to him in the waking world, the awareness of his migraine became the priority. He fed himself medicine from the bottle that had just bruised his scalp. 

“He’s been busy.”

“Busy?!?” He nearly scattered pills everywhere. 

Cyborg looked down, her face was mostly unreadable, “I made dinner for the guest... These are leftovers.”

2D set down the bottle and nearly gasped at the plant-based three-course meal spread across the floor. Vegetable sushi, miso-seaweed soup, some kind of coconut cream dessert... He practically dove into it.

Cyborg stared down at him for a moment as he ate, then walked to the corner of the room to retrieve a chair. She placed it across from him, taking a guitar from behind her back and sat down. 2D looked up with a mouth full of rice and watched her tune the guitar. They sat like that in an odd peaceful air for a while. He was halfway through the spread and figured he probably wasn’t going to finish. Cyborg noticed he’d slowed down and pointed to the lamp table. “Murdoc wants you to look over those.”

2D reached up from his spot on the ground and grabbed a sheet of paper. “What? A song? Really?” He picked himself up back onto the bed while his eyes skimmed the words.

She didn’t answer. He looked up after reading through it twice, “I suppose you’re gonna play it then?”

She placed her fingers in position. “Hai.” She nodded her head and began to play.

Of all the gunshots, whale calls, and screaming alcoholics, the music of her guitar was the most disturbing sound 2D has heard so far on the island. It was beautiful. With his eyes wide open, 2D could see her. In a green windy meadow. Noodle. The smiling child prodigy. His dearest friend. His little sister.

A terrible pain rose in 2D chest and spilled out through his eyes. Not wanting to acknowledge it, he continued to listen, looking down at the paper his eyes rained upon. He read through the haze and began to sing, “Oh joys arise the sun has come again _too~ h-hold you..._ ” 2D couldn’t do it. His breath refused to steady. He dropped the paper and sobbed into his hands. Cyborg stopping playing.

“ _Noodle._ ” 2D sobbed as he slid from the bed on to his knees, clutching the clone’s legs, whimpering into her nap. She stood, pushing her chair over and leaving 2D to fall on to his hands. He pushed his weight onto his knuckles and felt his grief change shape.

She wasn’t Noodle, so why is she here? Why does she exist? The answer propelled him on to his feet. 2D made it to the open door of his room and stopped... He turned violently and shouted at the imposter, “Yeah? You’re just going to let me go then!?”

“I don’t have orders to stop you.” She stared sadly at the half-eaten lunch on the floor.

2D took the elevator to the main floor and found what he was looking for around the corner. He watched the creature finish a line of coke and then began, “You don’t actually know do you?” Murdoc silently turned to look at him, frustrated and quizzical, as he wiped his nose on his sleeve.

“You don’t know if she went to hide out somewhere,” 2D continued, his voice shaking, “or if she wanted a break from us, if she’s crawling out of the bleeding 7th levels of hell... You have no idea, do you? You made us believe you... you told us not to worry...” He took a deep sobbing breath, “She’s dead. That’s what you think, isn’t it? You put all this effort into bringing her back because YOU killed her! And-and as a slave? Is that all she... “ 2D knew what he was about to say wasn’t true so he changed direction, “You’re... you’re so unbelievably selfish.”

Murdoc glared at him intensely, breathing audibly. “You could have never made that decision. I have to make. All the hard decisions. And this is the thanks I get?” The way he spoke was eerily calm as if he was just speaking to himself. “I _raised_ her and now I’ve done it _twice_! And- and I’ll tell you another thing-”

“I wish I’d never known you Murdoc!” 2D’s voice cracked as he nearly yelled, “I mean that! I wish Gorillaz had never bloody started. I wish you would finally get out of my life! You’ve broken everything! I gave you so many fucking chances.” 2D hadn’t even noticed that Murdoc had been approaching him as he ranted and was upon him in an instant, grabbing his shirt violently in two hands. 2D tried to push him off but couldn’t before Murdoc's fist came smashing into the side of his face. Then he was tossed hard on his ass.

‘You’re an ungrateful sodding **moron** , Stuart. You think you’d have a chance to get a stupid law degree if it wasn’t for me?” 2D grasped his face, tears on the cusp of flowing. Murdoc screamed down at him, “You were nothing. Stuart Tusspot is no one and 2D is **my creation**!”

2D lunged from the ground with a roar, plunging his fist into his captors gut. He fell with him back to the floor, Murdoc’s head crashing into it. 2D began throwing plows to his face. When blood began to stream from Murdoc’s nose, he stopped and stood off him. Murdoc just laid there, blood running down to his ears on either side.

“Sit up!” 2D panted, “I’m not trying to kill you or any’fing.”

“You should.” he breathed painfully.

“I’m serious. Sit up.”

Murdoc didn’t move. 2D crouched behind him, mumbling, “Stubborn, useless, twat.” He shoved his hands under his shoulders and pushed him upright. Murdoc didn’t help in the slightest, and 2D could feel that if he let go he would just let himself fall back down. He turned on his heels and sat on the ground, holding him up with his back.

He sighed. He could feel Murdoc shaking. 2D quietly crying with him, resting his head on the back of his shoulder. They sat like that for a while, in a silence only broken by subtle whimpers and then the sound of muffled hydraulics.

2D watched Cyborg round the corner and stare at them. “Hey, ‘bot girl,” 2D said weakly. “Do you know how to check for concussion?”

“I’m programmed in all standard emergency medical protocol, yes.” She walked over and knelt in front of 2D, “It’s not a concussion but something is very wrong with your eyes,”

“Not me.” He snapped, “Him!.. Just.. help him to bed alright? Patch’em up?”

2D sat still as he listened to the pained groans and expletives of the weight being lifted from his back. With Murdoc fully off the ground, he got up himself, “Nood-.... make sure he doesn’t... you know..” She looked over the shoulder Murdoc wasn’t draped over and gave him a knowing nod.

2D watched her pitifully guide his bleeding former friend to the elevator as he rubbed his bruising cheek and could think of nother better to do than to return to bed himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im just glad that I finally put the thought of Murdoc putting a cigarette out on 2D's comatose face out into the world.


	6. Chapter 6

A beer can flew through the air and clunked off of 2D’s head. He rubbed the spot of impact and swiveled around in his chair to face his assailant, “Ah! Whachu do that for?” he whined.

“You’ve been staring at that page like an idiot for ages. I’m bored.” Murdoc replied, opening a new can.

“I’m stuck on this...” He went back to chewing his pencil and squinting at his music sheet, “I want something... weird... like really weird....”

Murdoc smirked, “You know how all the greats have made weird music?”

“Drugs,” 2D replied as a matter-of-fact, with a vacant innocent blink.

“Um...” Murdoc blinked back, “Right.” He pushed off his bed while 2D went back to poking at the keyboard and making notes on his paper.

“Here.” He stood in front of 2D pinching something in his fingers. 2D presented his palm and Murdoc placed in it a bright sky blue chalky pill engraved with the cartoon face of a chimp-like creature. 2D watched him toss the tablet into the air and catch it in his mouth and then placed his own on his tongue.

He pulled his legs to his chest, resting his chin on his knees and wearing a rather goofy smile as Murdoc returned to his seat with El Diablo. Moments passing, 2D slowly felt himself peacefully dissolve into the air around him. The bass sounded more like the singing of demonic angels than ever and the bassist playing it radiated the most divine energy 2D could imagine. All inhibitions, all denials of how he felt were lost in the ether.

“You’re amazing...” He sighed, “like a god.”

Murdoc smirked without looking up from his instrument, “Keep going.”

“I never imagined someone like you... would show up in my life... you... you saved me.. in a way. You’re wonderful ...I love you.”

Murdoc placed his bass on his bed and stood up. In two steps he was standing over 2D. He stared up at Murdoc’s intense expression, fearing he’d made a terrible mistake again and had gone too far. Murdoc firmly grasped him under his jaw and pulled him up out of his seat. 2D braced himself to be thrown across the room, but instead, Murdoc pulled his body in with an arm around his waist and forced their mouths to collide. 2D would have collapsed if that arm wasn’t there to hold him up.

Murdoc released him and took his own shirt off. He didn’t wait for 2D to follow, pulling him on to the bed and climbing over him. He bit into his neck, making 2D nearly scream in shock then melt when the teeth gnawing him became gentle.

“I've never done this before,” 2D pleaded breathlessly.

“What? Shag?”

Just the acknowledgment of what was happening send a dizzying volt through 2D’s body, forcing him to stifle a noise that threatened to embarrass him.

“Of course you’re a virgin.” Murdoc laughed between mouthing and sucking his neck, moving up across his jawline to behind his ear, pulling his blue hair for a better angle.

“No!” 2D panted, “I-I’ve-I’ve-” it was nearly impossible to form a sentence “never been with... a bloke... _H-have you_?”

Murdoc took his mouth away to look condescendingly at the desperate man underneath him. “God, will you fucking shut up.”

As Murdoc plunged his hand down his pants, everything 2D had been holding back escaped in one loud passionate groan. Their lips collided, tongues fighting in each other mouths. 2D had had sex on ecstasy before, he knew how long this could last, but even still he could start to feel himself coming to the edge inside Murdoc’s hand. This fantasy he’d tried to repress coming true was too overwhelming. His mouth was set free to vocalize and moan uninhibited. Murdoc grinned down at him cruelly, watching 2D lose any sense of shame to his touch. “Has a girl ever done this to you, D? Or am I the only one that’s heard you sing like this?” He leaned in to put his lips right against 2D’s ear. He could feel the heat of each word as he breathed, “You sound so beautiful.” In spite of the drug’s disadvantage, that growling whisper of praise took him straight to orgasm.

* * *

 

The memory of those words was still vivid enough to take him there again 12 years later. When 2D opened his eyes, alone in an unlocked prison cell he had volunteered to return to, he didn’t who whether to feel ashamed or angry... or depressed... He felt all of it and none of it... 2D sat up and cleaned himself off and decided to take a walk.

Upstairs, he could see it was evening. The moon was out and reflecting in the water, while the sun lazily dove into the horizon. 2D wrapped his arms around his chest and frowned at the glass wall as lyrics swam there way back through his mind. Melancholy, he thought, was a good word for it all. He hummed the tune as he turned from the window to the tv den he had brawled in hours early. There were still spots of Murdoc's blood on the carpet. In the dim light, he sat in front of the television and found a discarded selection of blu-rays, each packaged from a subscription service.

A movie let 2D escape Plastic Beach, if only for a moment, until a presence joined him in the room. Murdoc stood there looking just like a zombie from the film illuminating him. From the couch, 2D muted the TV, looked over at him and sighed, “What do you want?”

He sat beside him with a thud, uncomfortably close, then wordlessly wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in 2D’s chests. He felt tears bleed onto his shirt and defeatedly laid his head back on the couch, stared at the ceiling. The pitiful man breathed hot, shaking breaths against his heart. 2D frowned and whispered, "I'm glad you're ok... but..." He felt the other man stur and reach his hand up to grasp his face and pull him in. 2D then smacked Murdoc with his open palm. Hard. He raised himself quickly off the couch, leaving the other to fall over and lay pathetically on his side. 2D felt dizzy for a moment from how fast he stood, his heart was beating a mile a minute, still he didn’t take a breath before shouting, “You’re a cunt, you know that? A sodding cunt... You-” 2D felt unwanted tears swelling in his night sky eyes. “You can’t just do this to me!”

Murdoc mumbled something into the cushion.

“What?!”

Murdoc shot up right, “I said I’m fucking sorry!” His face was clenched tight, purple, red and green. Swollen and covered in splotches of dried blood. His eyes were unnaturally wild in the flickering glow of the television.

2D swallowed with discomfort. “No, you’re not. If you were you’d let me go home!”

Murdoc put his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. He rubbed his forehead aggressively a few times and then went still. “I can’t...” He sobbed, “I can’t... Lose you again.”

2D guardedly crossed his arms. He spoke quietly and somber, “You’re not _losing_ me, Murdoc. How can you still not get it? I would do _anything_ to make you _let me_ stay! I’m constantly searching for one good reason to be there for you. But they’re all used up.” He grimaced and raised his voice, “Do you really think bloody punching me wil...” He rubbed his face and lowered his voice again, “...Not anymore.”

He stepped forwards, letting one of his arms down, offering a hand in front of Murdoc's downcast face. Wordlessly, he took it. 2D eased on to his knees, now able to meet the other man’s eyes, there fingers still intertwined. “I liked the lyrics. I have some suggestions. But I liked them overall.” 2D smiled. Murdoc still frowned painfully, averting his eyes. “It’s kind of happy, isn’t it? But I bet all of it together sounds wicked sad right? ... It’s about how... We can keep moving and looking forward and never really dealing with anything so when all our defenses fall, they’ll fall hard, and we’ll be more vulnerable than ever... ” 2D began to recite what he recalled,

 _And if the whole world is crashing down on you_  
_Fall through space out of mind with me_

Murdoc looked at him now.

 _Where the emptiness we leave behind on warm air rising_  
_Blows all the shadows far away_  
_The falling of the whole_ empire _is here to hold you_  
_Rolling out and haunted till it sinks_

With each note, Murdoc’s face relaxed. It was terrible, 2D thought in the back of his mind, how he lived for this. This was a good reason to stay. Just the look in his eyes when 2D sang. Was that a good enough reason? Murdoc reached out to cup his face, and he allowed him this time. A rough thumb caressed away the dry tears under his eye. A familiar force pulled in the space between them, a desire to dive into one another. 2D frowned. He stood, letting the hand fall from his face, and their eyes met again at this new level.

“What?” Murdoc gave him a confused, frustrated look.

“I don’t know if...” 2D looked out through the windows on to the starry horizon, “I don't think I can do this again...” He turned back to him with a pleading looking in his eyes, “Ok?”

Murdoc looked back, pensive and forlorn, “...Ok.” and 2D turned and walked to the elevator, leaving him alone, with only mute zombies and silent screams flickering on his face.


	7. Chapter 7

“Where are we going?” 2D nervously fidgeted in the passenger seat. It wasn't the normal way to Murdoc’s house.

“A record shop,” he replied. He was wearing an uncharacteristic oversized hoodie, “You know, for inspiration.”

“Ah.” He looked out the window. This was his first time seeing Murdoc again since their sexual encounter. The had talked and caressed in their MDMA haze for a while before eventually falling asleep. When Murdoc woke up, he called 2D a cab and shooed him off. 2D spent the next few days in terrible anxiety until Murdoc finally called.

They were alone, besides the cashier, in a chilly music shack. Murdoc went straight to the Metal section and began flipping through records. 2D followed close behind.  “Muds...I gotta tell you something...” 2D looked away from him at the records, ashamedly “I... I have a girlfriend.. So...”

“So?” Murdoc kept on flipping.

2D look back at him and frowned, “...So... I just... I’ll break up with her. I-”

“Why?” Gaze unmoved.

“...’why’?”

Murdoc finally looked up at 2D with a disinterested expression, “Why are you breaking up with her? Why are you telling me this?”

“B-because...” 2D lowered his voice to almost a whisper, “because of... “ then he noticed Murdoc’s expression had changed to one of furrowed, intense brows, daring him to say another word. 2D stared back, almost terrified.

Murdoc turned and walked on to a different row of records. 2D watched his for a moment, then began to passively flip through the records himself.

He didn’t want to break up with his girlfriend. He fancied her quite a bit... but he couldn’t help but feel a disappointment with how the conversation had gone. He anticipated anger... But for a completely different reason. 2D’s mood brightened a little when he found The Day of the Dead soundtrack. He lifted the vinyl from the row and faced it up at Murdoc across the room, “I’m gonna get this!”

Murdoc scratched his chin, “Uh. Alright, zombie boy.” He motioned with his hand to come over. Once in front of him, he took the record from him and stacked it on top of his own selection, looked over his shoulder at the distracted cashier and tucked them together under his hoodie.

“What are you- Oooh!”

Murdoc snapped at him, “Sshh-shut it.” They turned and walked casually out the front door.

From there, Murdoc took them on to his house. The record played with them both sitting on the bed. 2D had his eyes closed, and his head back facing the ceiling. Murdoc slouched against the wall, arms folded across this body.

“I wanna use weird, creepy sounds like this. Can we like, sample something from the movie?”

Murdoc pursed his lips thoughtfully, “I’m not opposed to that.”

2D glanced down at him. His admiration had quickly turned to attraction during the few months of their friendship. It was easy at this point to praise Murdoc’s musical skill or character traits, but 2D couldn’t quite bring himself to comment on how he felt about his appearance. He’d never said anything like that to a man before, thought he realized recently it was a feeling he’d had definitely had in the past. It wasn’t a comfortable idea for him yet... Still, the idea of being with Murdoc again was more than comfortable. He slid his back down the wall so he was level with the other, “So. um. This would be fun to listen to on eccy, don’t you think?”

Murdoc rolled his head to the side and gave 2D a condescending smirk, “Bold of you to think I don’t see right through that.”

“Hm?” He raised his brows innocently.

“You’re trying to seduce me.” Murdoc lifted himself on to his elbow and loomed over 2D. He felt intimidated in his shadow... yet, oddly empowered. He smiled up at him, heavy-lidded. Yes, this was happening. 2D reached up to pull Murdoc’s lips down against his own. Murdoc laughed in surprise against his mouth and then bit into his lip. 2D moaned uninhibited. He knew that side of him had already been exposed and he’d been praised for it, no need to hold it back now. 2D shifted so his neck was less strained, and Murdoc moved to straddle his upward bent leg. “Feel that? How much you turn me on?” 2D only whined in reply.

Murdoc placed his other leg between 2D’s own, from there, he sat up and removed his shirt. They locked eyes as he grabbed the other’s hips and pulled him against the fabric separating them. He lowered himself forward again, suspending 2D’s legs locked around his waist as he fell. The friction of the movement forced out a desperate whimper. Murdoc gnawed just about his collarbone and began to grind into him, hard and rhythm. His sighs evolved to vocal panting as he pressed into the friction. It was too much. He reached down and began to unbuckle Murdoc’s pants.

Murdoc frowned down at his efforts, “You’ve never had it in your ass before, have you?”

“No!” 2D blurted, wide-eyed.

Murdoc had been on the receiving end of same-sex encounters plenty of times. He could be submissive with his body to complete strangers, but with 2D, something in him wouldn’t allow it. He didn’t present it has an option. “Well, do you want to?”

2D could feel his heart beating out of his chest, he took a moment to reply, “I... I don’t know.” He had the other’s belt pulled away now and tossed it to the side. “I know it hurts.”

Murdoc leaned in beside his ear, “It doesn’t have to hurt.”

The prospect of it being pleasurable sent a chill up his spine, but he ultimately remained skeptical. “Not... not now.”

“Suit yourself, there’s plenty of other ways to-”

“Wait!” 2D struggled to wiggle out from under him. “I have to break up with her, now. Can I use your phone?”

Murdoc got out of his way and sat up on the bed, “Wow, Stu, phone call break up? Really? That's almost as fucked as cheating on her.”

“Oh god.” 2D standing now, stared at the floor, “I did cheat on her didn’t I?”

“D. Shut up.” Murdoc grasped his waistband and pulled him forward.

“I’m not that kind of person, Murdoc. I didn’t know-”

“I know, I know.” He dismissively agreed as he undid 2D’s trousers and helped them fall to his feet. He grabbed his ass and roughly bit into his erection through his pants fabric, eliciting a series of gasping desperate expletives. 2D impulsively dug his nails into Murdoc’s shoulders, pushing into his mouth causing him to let out a vibrating moan against him.

“I can’t!” 2D gasped, though he didn’t make even the smallest effort to pull away, still needily grinding against his face. “Have to- hah-fuck.” Murdoc peeled away 2D’s briefs and engulfed him in a single motion. Any anxieties were now completely unreachable in his mind, the warmth of the others mouth was the only thing present. His grip on his shoulders slackened and he leaning into Murdoc’s firm grasp around his upper thighs, letting himself be guided at exactly the rate Murdoc wanted. 2D knew only a bit more of this would be all he required but he didn’t have to will or presence of mind to try and prolong it. His head back, eyes closed, mouth agape, he was lost in it. He didn’t make more than a whimper until the finale where a guttural groan escaped him along with everything else. Murdoc released him and he dizzily crumpled to sit on the ground.

Murdoc laughed and wiped his mouth on his arm, “Catch your breath, then it’s my turn.”

“You’re really ok with this?” 2D looked up at him, still panting.

He gave him a tired frown, “Ok with what, 2D?”

“That I have a girlfriend!”

“Look...” Murdoc sighed, irritably pinching his forehead, “I’m not going to stop shagging whoever and whenever I want. Nothing has changed in my life. I don’t suggest you change anything in yours.” 2D stood up and pulled his pants up from his ankles. “I don’t care if you date or don’t date.” Murdoc continued, “Personally, I think dating is bloody stupid, but it’s none of my business now is it?.. And honestly,” He gestured, “Your moralistic guilty bitching is a fucking turn off and I can’t keep this shit up if you keep on like this.”

“No! ..Ok..I’ll.. I’ll figure it out...”

“Good.” Murdoc looked down at his trousers and groaned, “Well since I am now completely flaccid... Wanna get something to eat?... 2D?”

_2D? Do you want something to eat?_

 

* * *

 

“Hey! Faceache! Do you bloody want food or not?”

“Huh?” 2D’s mind returned to where his body was. He was sitting at the island table in the kitchen of Gorillaz’s current hub. Murdoc eyed him irritably, standing across from him in front of the fridge. “Uh. Yeah. Cereal... and milk”

Murdoc grabbed a random box from the assortment in the cabinet and a bowl and haphazardly threw them in front of 2D.“Trying to be... Fucking considerate” He grumbles as he opens the fridge, “and you ignore me... see how long that lasts.”

 _Not like it ever last very long, either way_ , 2D wanted to say. He took a deep breath, “I... appreciate that you're... trying... but I would still like to leave this sodding island... We can even finish the record just not... here.”

Murdoc turned back around, set down the milk and stared at him expressionlessly for a moment, “No.”

“Murdoc this is still one of the most insane stunts you've ever pulled and I have no idea why you're keeping it up at this point. I feel like I’m losing my fucking sanity on this godforsaken hunk of plastic!”

“We finish the record here, go on tour when it's released.” He gestured, “As one does... And then I’ll probably let you... get back to law school or whatever.”

2D didn’t feel like pressing it any further. He rested his chin in his palm, and gazed out of the morning sun, reflecting on the sparkling sea.

Things were different since that night following their fight. So far Murdoc had only _threatened_ to lock him back in his room, not actually gone through with it. He had also been mostly avoiding 2D when he was dangerously intoxicated or on something particularly behavior altering. At the same time, the frequency and severity of this drug usage had notably increased. He had more than once just found him passed out in some random part of the building or going missing for several hours and even a whole day. He hadn’t ordered in any more guests since then either, although he's spent time in the studio, clearly still working on the album.

Later that day was more of the same. It was evening, but the sky was black as night with storm clouds. 2D walked around aimlessly, eventually finding himself by the studio door. He entered. It was dark and quiet save the light and hum of a computer left on. 2D walked toward it to find a few scraps of paper laying on the sounds board beside it. He picked up the one that seemed to have the most words and began to read.

In the dim light, each new line his eyes took in fed a growing ache in his chest, as though his heart was literally breaking. He had to find Murdoc, he had to talk to him. He turned to leave, clutching the paper, but there Murdoc was, passed out on a couch beside the entrance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s fun ok??? it’s just fucking fun to write smut, especially with fun personalities! ...god i hope no one irl ever finds out about this….. 
> 
> “eccy” is brit slang for MDMA. it just occurred to me that different regions have different names for drugs. I don’t know how popular “molly” or “E” is overseas… “eccy” sounds cute. :P …. but don’t do ecstasy it’s bad. 
> 
> I worry throughout the flashback scenes that I’m writing 2D and little too idk, naive? young? submissive??? but then it occurred to me that at this point, he’s only fucking 20 years old and Murdoc is fucking 32… that power dynamic…. a little bit off tbh.


	8. Chapter 8

Murdoc lounged in the corner of a thumping, flashing dance club, scowling across the crowded floor. He reach behind his head and thumped his bodyguard with the back of his hand. He then pointed across floor to a slim, blue hair figure with a beer bottle in his hand, smiling brightly and gesturing with a short, pretty brunette. 2D felt his shoulder firmly grabbed.

“Murdoc Niccals, bass player of Gorillaz wants to cordially invite you to his tour bus.” The woman 2D was with squealed loudly. 2D squinted at him, gobsmacked.

“Darren. It’s me. I know who Murdoc is. What does he want?” Darren the bodyguard stayed stone-faced and shrugged subtly. 2D exhaled dramatically and turned back to his companion, “I’ll be right back, love. Don’t go anywhere.”

The pulsing music left behind, 2D stepped up into the bus groaning, “Murdoc, what do you want? I was just about to get someone's number!”

Murdoc turned around rather dramatically with a bowl of strawberries and putting on a _terrible_ American accent said, “Hey Doll, does your Daddy let you date?”

2D covered his mouth and snorted, “You're bloody shitfaced.” he took a strawberry.

Murdoc watched him bite into it, “How old are you..?”

He swallowed, and gave an annoyed sigh, “I'm 28.”

“Wow, really?” He grabbed a thin glass of champagne and a small silver tray covered in weed and brown paper and sat on the seats along the opposite wall of the bus. “You don't look a day over 16, I might need to see some ID”

2D couldn't help but smile at this stupid game. He joined him on the couch.

“You must be absolutely star struck. I know I'd be. In the presence of the great Murdoc Niccals...” He slurred and began to sprinkle the pungent green fluff on to one of the papers. “it's not all glamour and birds you know, the music industry is grueling work! Mostly we don’t even have time for after parties like this. You’re lucky you caught me.”

2D watched him roll the joint. It was always so annoying. He was honestly terrible at it, but he insisted on being the one to do it. Sometimes Russel would get so frustrated he'd just roll his own and there would eventually be two joints in the smoke circle. One being expertly crafted and the other nearly falling apart.

His hands were shaking more than usual and 2D looked up at his face to find it strained and upset. “Give it here.” He took the tray, and Murdoc let him. “Maybe you’d be better at this-” 2D licked along the seam, “If you didn’t have fingers designed for coke.”

“We could do that too.”

2D carefully lit the end, then exhaled a soft, milky cloud, “I’ll pass.” and handed the joint off to his partner.

“So came to see the show, did you? How’d you like it?”

2D smirked and rolled his eyes, “Yeah, I love that 2D fella.”

“He’s a ponce, you don’t want ‘m.” Murdoc threw his feet onto the couch and rudely pressing the weight of his back into 2D.

“Oh. I guess you think I should go for the bass-playing ogre then?” He reached over for another strawberry, causing Murdoc to slide a bit, his head now resting on his shoulder. The strawberry tasted a hundred times sweeter than the last one.

It was silent for a moment as 2D savored the fruit and Murdoc inhaled and exhaled the relaxing smoke, “No. You don’t want him either...” He passed the spliff back, and sighed, harshly and shakily. “You deserve better... This one time... I think I was about your age.” 2D chuckled a little through his nose and Murdoc continued, “I had this bird. I liked her a lot, I really did...But. I ruined it, you know?”

“I know” 2D murmured passively.

“I realized-well, I thought- that there was nothing I could do to.. You know... make her like me... but. But that’s insane, innit? She was already going with me, wasn’t she? So... all I had to do was not cock it up...” Murdoc’s voice became progressively shakier and slurred. 2D reach up to stroke the man's head and rest it in the crock of his neck, “but instead I... I hurt her... in... in a lot of different ways but... Sometimes. It was more comfortable to-to- just hit her.. Then to hold her.... If that makes sense. It doesn’t make sense. I know it doesn’t... anyway. She left me. Of course, she did. She should have... After that happened a time or two more I swore off dating all together...” Murdoc took back the joint for a deep hit. 

“I know,” 2D said, frowning off at some corner of the bus, black hair tangled in his fingers.

“Who needs the baggage?" His words came out muffed in smoke, "Who needs all the chances to muck it up? You make one happy memory and then you never see them again, that’s how it’s gotta be... Getting close to people. It’s just a door into.. Into the other person's shit.. When.. when all anyone needs one good shag outta ya, and you keep the rest of it to yourself. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep doing it over and over.... because I.. I...” He was struggling to keep his voice in a respectable masculine pitch, “I don’t want to keep _hurting_....people..”

Tears were dropping from 2D’s chin, “I know.” He wiped his face in his sleeve, “There’s still time... you still have time.” 2D lowered his head to rest on Murdoc’s, “We still have time.”

Murdoc hiccuped and made a loud pathetic sniff, he bolted his head up, clacking 2D’s jaw together, threw away the joint, and dramatically threw his arms about 2D’s neck, “Thank you, love,” He sobbed, “You’re not like all the other girls.”

“Ow! Fuck! Get off me!,” 2D shoved Murdoc hard and quickly darted to touch his tongue. Thankfully it wasn’t bleeding. “Are you really that fucking dru-... Murdoc?”

Murdoc was laying on his side staring straight off ahead. The area around his eyes glistened with tears, but he wasn’t crying. More than anything, he displayed a combined expression of fear and annoyance.,

“Um?” 2D eyed him.

“Fell too fast. Room’s spinning.”

“Oh.... Well.. I’ll go get you some wa-”

“No, don’t go!” He didn’t move, “Can I have your number?”

2D started laughing, truly and warm. A tear that had formed a moment ago from sadness now rolled down in his smiling cheek. He wiped it away, sighing, and then gently reached down to brush the bangs from Murdoc’s eyes.

* * *

 

They fell back into place and the man did not stir. 2D knelt in front of the couch and pushed back the pitch black hair again and kissed the skin above his eyebrow he had exposed. Murdoc gently blinked awake.

He frowned and lazily groaned, “D?”

2D smiled. “Oh good,” He sighed, “You’re not dead.”

“Doesn’t really feel that way, does it.” Murdoc spoke with a quiet rasp, as if being careful not to wake himself up, and rubbed his eyes. 2D sat down on the floor, his back against the couch. He held out the paper he had just been reading for them both to see. “Oh, uh, that’s not-.” Murdoc reached for the page but 2D passed it to his other hand and held it out of his reach.

“I already read it.”

He silently conceded.

“Show me how this part goes.” 2D held the paper closer and steaded a finger at the start of a line.

“What? This part?” Murdoc sleepily pushed 2D’s finger out of the way with his own.

2D grinned, “Yeah.”

and Murdoc cleared his throat. Paused. Then cleared it again, louder, “... Can’t I just show you on the syth-”

“No, Murdoc, sing it... I haven’t heard you sing... in a long time.”

After a moment of silence, 2D heard Murdoc lifting himself off the couch. He watched with a peaceful smirk as the other took a seat on the floor beside him. “Gimme that.”

And he did, graciously. Murdoc cleared his throat for the third time.

 _Waiting by the mailbox, by the train_  
_Passin' by the hills 'til I hear the name_  
_I'm looking for a saw to cut these chains in half and all I want is_  
_Someone to rely on as_  
_Thunder comes a rolling down_  
_Someone to rely on as_  
_Lightning comes a staring in again_

They sat shoulder to shoulder. Murdoc held the paper between the two of them. As 2D’s voice joined in on his melody, his became quieter until he was finally just listening and watching attentively as the other’s lips forming his words.

 _I'll wait to be forgiven_  
_Maybe I never will_  
_My star has left me_  
_To take the bitter pill_  
_That shattered feeling_  
_Well the cause of it's a lesson learned_  
_Just don't know if I could roll into the sea again_  
_“Just don't know if I could do it all again” he said, it's true_

2D sang his own words back to Murdoc, and a lump caught in his throat a second time. But he swallowed it down and restarted the melody,

 _Waiting in my room and I lock the door_  
_I watch the colored animals across the floor_  
_And I'm looking from a distance_  
_And I'm listening to the whispers_  
_And oh it ain't the same, when your falling out of feeling and your_  
_Falling in and caught again_

 _I'm caught again in the mystery_  
_You're by my side, but are you still with me?_  
_The answer's somewhere deep in it, I'm sorry but your feeling it_  
_But I just have to tell you that I love you so much these days_  
_Have to tell you that I love you so much these days, it's true_  
_My heart is in economy_  
_Due to this autonomy_  
_Rolling in and caught again_  
_Caught again_

After 2D nearly whispered the last lyrics they sat in complete silence until finally, he turned to Murdoc with a gentle smile, “It’s about how-”

“2D, will you give it a fucking rest for once. I know you know what-” Murdoc’s interruption was cut off by 2D’s lips. Shock caused him to inhale sharply until the breath released into a groaning sigh. He allowing 2D’s weight to ease him entirely to the ground. As their mouths released their eyes locked, but only for long enough to breathe. Murdoc gasped 2D face and pulled him in. Their kisses were desperate yet purposeful. Like they were performing a dance they once knew so well but had nearly forgotten, and they wanted to get it right. 2D lifted himself off Murdoc, who sat up and breathlessly leaned against the coach, watching 2D remove his shirt. “Are we-?” he sighed amusedly and looked away, “I haven't had a proper shag in ages.”

“Really?” 2D mocked as he returned to straddle his legs, “None of the guests wanted to have a go at your boozed up rotting nob?” He pulled at Murdoc’s sweater.

Murdoc pulled it over his head and tossed it away, then brought his hands to rest on 2D’s waist, playfully thumbing his hip bones, smirking, “Well you clearly want to.”

“Yeah well. Maybe I'm desperate..” 2D began to work on Murdoc’s trouser, “I haven't had a bird in a while either...” 2D looked back up to meet with bloodshot, yet hazy, peaceful eyes.

“I don't think that's it...” They fell into another kiss. Their gaze passed through one another, keeping focus until the last possible moment, as though their eyes were the pools they were diving into. Their lips met and their eyes closed. Murdoc’s hands climbed and caressed 2D’s chest and neck. 2D’s hands dug through the layers separating him from Murdoc’s erection until it was free.

He responded to the touch by opening and moaning deeper into the other’s mouth, tugging at blue tuft of scalp. 2D didn't work on him in the same passive careless way he might do for himself. Instead, he worked off memories that were quickly returning to him, moving his hands in a way that drew out gasping expletives from the man below him. His pace became steady and confident.

Even when their lips disconnected, mouths panting, their faces stayed as close as possible. 2D shifted and quickened the twisting of his wrist and Murdoc groaned out, “I love you.”

“I know.” 2D breathed against his mouth.

Murdoc took 2D by his jaw in an attempt at dominance but his grasp was too weak, his eyes too unfocused and dreamy, and his voice accidentally too sincere, “Say you love me, fucking tosser.”

2D grinned, “I love you.” And their lips collided once more.

* * *

 

Ever muscle in Murdoc’s body ached as he found himself awaking on the studio floor. He lazily rolled his head around, discovering he was alone, he slowly pulled himself up off the ground and made his way into the hall. He could hear the sounds of the ocean. He looked up and saw the roof hatch sitting open. Accompanying the constant nautical soundtrack was an all-to-familiar melody flowed down from above as if it was coming from angels in heaven. Murdoc carefully stepped up the winding staircase. With his head at roof level, he took another step then stopped, folding and resting his arms up over the entryway. He took in the image of 2D leaning over the guardrail, framed in moonlight, singing.

 _Starshine when gonna find me_  
_Starshine, they ain't gonna find me_  
_Starshine, never gonna find me_..

The tide was high and audibly in motion but the chaos on the shore was somehow soothing. The grey storm clouds were distant memories, the sky was allowed to glow, like the island was settling again after a thunderous visitor.

Murdoc came fully through the hatch to join 2D, who stayed in his pose and passively greeted him with a nod. He offered him a cigarette and Murdoc took one wordlessly.

2D looked him in the eyes as he held the flame of his lighter up close to the others face, “This doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you. You know that right?”

The words were nearly shattering... But 2D knew that... And Murdoc understood.

Over a decade of mistakes had led them to that roof on an island at the farthest point from any landmass on Earth and it would take years more reparations to find one another again on solid ground. The tides would be high... And they would be low... There would be sail-ripping storms. But at that moment as 2D went back to singing about the shine of the stars that reflected in his eyes, Murdoc figured this must be a lull.

_Starshine, when you gonna find me?_

The levys would hold and for now, that was good enough.

_Starshine..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg im so glad this is out of my system. ok... I want to write more about exactly what happened to Murdoc and 2D as they became famous and I especially want to write about Noodle and Murdoc's familial relationship. But idk when that will happen...  
> Cool. At least I can officially say I wrote a whole fanfic once. *writes in a spot on bucket list that wasn't there before and then checks it off*


End file.
